thunderproof | 𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙.

Who says you'll be having sex in your bed? ( philosophically. )

But it's not really about laughter, exactly. It's about comfort. And I don't mean that in a...hand-holdy, let's all talk about our fucking feelings, only ride a man you earnestly love sort of a way, I mean...you should never treat someone who goes to bed with you as if they're less than you. You should never go to bed with anyone who treats you with any sort of disregard.

( gwenaëlle has not always practised all that which she preaches. but maybe that's useful, too. she knows what the fuck she's talking about. )

If nothing else, ( dryly, ) the sex is rarely worth it.

And men have a tendency to think sex is over when they're done, so—speak up, if you aren't done. I find if they're going to be a prick about not wanting to finish you off, the quickest lesson is telling them they can take a break if they're not up to it and doing it yourself. Get 'em right in the ego.

❰ adalia would like to hold every single part of this conversation as far away from herself as metaphorically possible, and not be forced to confront that it is a conversation she is actually having in real life, and thus must have feelings about. that is what she would like. but the idea of what kinds of people she should sleep with — that sort of... sticks.

alacruun respects her, sort of, at least enough to take her seriously in things other people don't. maybe that's a point in his favour. but he shows her such disregard in so many other ways — he called her his pet, in public —

she's not thinking about this. ❱

Right. Ego. I definitely will do that. ❰ the most strained, uncomfortable pause, as adalia comes to terms with the fact that she is actually engaging in this conversation instead of just letting it happen to her — ❱ I was told sex won't be particularly fun for — the woman. Men achieve orgasm and women just kind of... lie back and think of other things.

❰ which isn't precisely a question but the impression of one is there — this is inaccurate, but how? why? what makes sex enjoyable for women? ❱

I can only assume by people who hate women and are terrible at sex, ( mildly incredulous. ) If that were true, men would all be screwing each other and we'd die out.

This is what I mean when I say you need to get acquainted with yourself.

( hmmm. this is starting far, far more basic than she ever had to, she hasn't got a template for this bit. where to start. )

Have you ever been aroused? Felt...interested.

Edited 2018-04-30 07:25 (UTC)

❰ in adalia's defense, the answer to gwenaëlle's question, and the reason for the very basic nature of this discussion, is: ❱

Not... really? Not especially. I don't think.

❰ this has never been something adalia put much thought or effort into because it was never, up until very recently, something she was all that interested by. she's had far more pressing things to think about than sex.

recently, of course, alacruun showed up all broad and tall and she's had feelings about that, but she hasn't entirely connected them to sex, yet. ❱

Well, I guess my education in these matters was so poor I wouldn't really know even if I had. What does it feel like?

I hope you also haven't had any sex.

( not actually a dig. just. you know, that would be terrible. )

It's different. Depending on the moment, and the interest. Maybe it's just you look at someone and feel a little warm. Maybe someone grasps your wrist and you feel like you should be pressing your thighs together. A pleasant kind of discomfort, distraction, almost a sort of restlessness. Heat, and tension. And, generally, it's fairly well between your legs. Which is also where your clitoris is. For most women, you'll find that's the magic part. I personally find I usually finish from penetration, but I think I'm more the exception than the rule—and even then, a bit of a warm up never goes amiss.

( more frankly than she's pretty sure adalia will appreciate: ) Touch yourself, sometime. See what it feels like. Where you like it. You'll figure it out. I will arrange,

( the sound of someone making notes to herself, she is literally writing a note to herself, )

something for you that might help. If you feel silly at first, that's fine. Sex is, as I've said before, ridiculous. Don't open the package in company.

( she writes 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁ℯ ℴ𝓃ℯ, 𝓃ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓂𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃ℊ )

Well, no, I thought that'd been obvious —

❰ and part of the reason she's so embarrassed, being as she's been hearing (maybe manufacturing) more than a hint of judgment through this whole conversation. she's never really had anyone to have these frank conversations with, being as the monks were just about as unconcerned with sex as she was, and no one else she's ever known would have bothered.

that description, though — yes, some of it is familiar. when she'd been curled up with alacruun during the snowstorm and kept thinking about how big he was, and she wasn't ever really as cold as he was. ❱

Based on that description though, yes, I have felt... aroused. I've just never been all that concerned by it. It passes eventually.

❰ said as clinically as one might describe a smell, or a craving for cookies. unimportant, in the grand scheme of things, hardly worth focusing too much on, unless you're in the mood to be indulgent — and when it comes to sex, adalia never has. ❱

Do I want to know what you're arranging...

You'll see. There'll be instructions.

( with pictures! )

You're not obliged to do anything with it—you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do—but I think it's better to have something and not need it than need something and not have it, personally.

( after a moment— )

It's not, you know. Obvious. It'd be a better world if it were, but—being ignorant doesn't always mean that. Sometimes it just means you've...been around too much unkindness. And there are so many people who're just...

Terrible people aren't better with their clothes off. It's always better if you've not got to learn that lesson with a practical.

Anyway, as I was saying, you might find the traditional 'how babies get made' part doesn't necessarily finish it for you. A little more direct stimulation is often the key—someone's tongue will usually do it. Get entirely out of your head the idea of yourself as merely receptacle for someone else's pleasure; sex can be entirely yours. My, ah—

You know I'm sleeping with someone, obviously. Well, he enjoys that. Honestly, I think he enjoys doing it more than I enjoy receiving it, not that I don't like it, but—sex isn't just some idiot hammering at you like you're a piece of wood and he's got a little nail for two minutes. It's give and take. Sharing. Taking pleasure in the pleasure that you give, as well as the pleasure you take. It's as much your mind as your body.

❰ instructions. that bodes... interestingly.

terrible people arem't better with their clothes off. well, if that doesn't strike some particularly uncomfortably resonant chords, given who started this whole conversation. it's not so much that adalia considered that alacruun would be better if they were together, so much as... well, that. it's a pipe dream, clearly, but there must be something that made him someone whose lips she'd allow to touch hers.

which is all, somehow, easier to think about than some faceless man with his head between gwenaëlle's legs. at least at this point she's careful to keep her that can't taste pleasant comment to herself, not entirely sure she could take gwenaëlle's inevitable it does, actually, and here is how i know in excruciating detail. ❱

This all sounds terribly romantic to be coming out of your mouth.

❰ no offense, gwen, but adalia hadn't thought you'd have that kind of sentiment in you. ❱

( what a lot of things she could say to that. finally, like a verbal shrug— ) I'm a poet. What would you have me say? I like love. I like sex. The two things are both complicated, whether or not they have anything to do with one another.

It doesn't have to be sentimental. But it should be good. What's the point of sex if it isn't any good? Loki of House Asgard wasn't remotely romantic, but he was an excellent tumble. Fun while it lasted. Moreso for being all of these things. We treated one another well, and when we tired of it we parted ways. He's a self-involved popinjay I wouldn't choose to confide in because he can be trusted no further than he could be thrown by a small child, but, I knew that.

Managing expectations is important, you know. Sometimes sex is just sex. Which isn't nothing, but nothing's a promise except a promise. You don't tell people you love them with your cunt. Don't ever tell yourself you're hearing things that aren't being said just because someone's up to their knuckles and you really want to hear it.

I... don't know that I've ever thought of telling anyone I loved them with my cunt, but I will remember that.

❰ there is some of this advice that seems more or less helpful and good to know, and some that doesn't really feel aimed at adalia in specific so much. she doesn't really know what romantic love is, much less how to express it, but she wouldn't be all that tempted to do so with her vagina regardless of gwenaëlle's telling her to or not. these aren't considerations that have ever been a part of adalia's life, and much as she has sometimes despaired of how much it seems people don't like her, maybe it's easier to just not bother.

granted, she might not get to not bother, with alacruun around. ❱

...that does sound like it would be rather painful, though. Knuckles, really?

( gwenaëlle's concern is less what adalia might do and more what she might perceive; how easy it is, when you want to be liked so badly, to think something means more than it does. means something other than it does. )

Anything's painful if you do it wrong—when people speak of sex being bad for women, they're talking about bad sex. They might not realise it, but they are. When you're in the mood, and everything's coming together nicely, and you're going to come together nicely, you get wet and it eases passage. When women get hurt is when someone forces something inside them they aren't ready for.

Most men are bigger than my fingers, you know.

Well, yes, but if they're just — jammed in —

❰ her vagina gives a sympathetic twinge just at the thought. ❱

This all sounds like a lot of to-do over something whose effects are only going to be felt for a few seconds, if that. But I suppose I won't really know until I... brave those depths, as it were.

❰ that was not supposed to be a euphemism for her cunt, but as soon as adalia realizes it could very easily be taken that way, her head thunks against the desk again. ❱

Is there any other wisdom you wish to impart?

Well, for one thing, if it's any good it's going to last more than a few seconds. Your orgasm might be quick—or it might not—but you're not going to have one if you don't take a bit of time with the thing. And orgasm isn't the be all and end all of sex, you know. I mean, it's good. It's very good. But if you just...

There are a lot of different ways to consider yourself satisfied.

( a little exhale. )

Do you have any questions?

To be perfectly honest I didn't have any questions when you started this.

❰ which — okay, just because she's embarrassed and, in gwenaëlle's own words, humiliated, that doesn't mean this wasn't all good advice and helpful for adalia to know. she's still not about to admit that right at this moment. ❱

Thank you. I will keep this in mind in the future.

You're welcome.

𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙.

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